Afterthoughts from Ep. 22 - school Days
I love gelato and I love ice cream. It is usually one of the options I offer when I ask a guy out on a date. It's simple, sweet, and does not require too much investment in terms of time and energy when first meeting a guy. In other words, gelato or ice cream does not mean we are promised to each other. However, it is a fun and casual way to meet someone and connect over a delicious treat.
I am open about my sobriety and my journey in recovery on the show and in public. My Sponsor who is also my spiritual guide shared with me that he handles the first date with relatively little commitment and investment. He likes to arrange a "froyo" date or frozen yogurt date. I invited "Aaron" to meet me at Botolino Gelato Artigianale in Preston Hollow, Dallas.
I prepare for a date by getting to the location early. I meditate and I say a prayer. What I actually pray for is that I remain present, grounded, and that I treat the guy with dignity and respect. I remind myself that I am worthy of connection and belong and that I am not here to impress anyone but to see if there is a connection. This practice helps me not to be in my head during a date either imagining what our married life will be together or feeling self-conscious because my potential suitor does not appear to be into me.
Right off the bat, "Aaron" commented on my height (I'm short), and said that he was used to being the shorter one in a relationship. Getting the conversation flowing was like pulling teeth. Once he felt comfortable enough, he veered the conversation toward sex and how skilled he is in pleasing a man. I struggled with deciding what to do at that point. The date was obviously a bust. I considered taking him home with me to verify his claims of his sexual prowess. I thought, "Well at least I won't go empty-handed!" However, I reminded myself that although there is nothing wrong with sex and wanting to hook up that is not what I am looking for. I am looking for a connection and it's okay if this was not a match nor a connection.
I was excited about the date coming up the following Tuesday. I have shared repeatedly on the show how my dream date is to go rock climbing. I finally got a rock climbing date in the books with "Nicholas." We met at Summit Rock Climbing and Yoga in Dallas.
I had such a great time. I got to meet a great guy with such an outgoing personality. He had me laughing in stitches most of the time. "Nicholas" shared that he is in a "polycule." From the name, I figured it had something to do with polyamory or multiple loves. My assumptions were close. "Nicholas" explained that like a molecule a polycule consists of a configuration of different bonds linked together. He has three partners to whom he is bonded and those partners have their own configuration of bonded relationships I was intrigued but alas as cute as "Nicholas," polycules are not for me; not yet anyway
We tired of climbing the rocks and had lunch at Neuhaus Cafe in Dallas. "Nicholas" was a charming fellow and great company. I was surprised that even though it wasn't a romantic match, we ended up hitting it off well as friends. We have since gotten together for another rock climbing session and I believe will be more to come.